


General Anxiety Disorder

by honeydeww12



Series: Puzzle Peices [3]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Adoption, Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety breakdowns, Cute, Depression, Fluff, Hopeful Fluff, Love, Sad, body negativity, possible self-harm, self-harm mentions in future chapters, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-12
Updated: 2017-01-12
Packaged: 2018-09-17 00:22:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9296042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeydeww12/pseuds/honeydeww12
Summary: Mental Illness will always be a work in progress. No matter what you have, what you're going through, what you keep having to go though. Keep going and don't give up, okay? It gets better. Always.TRIGGER WARNING!Please read at your own risk. Some of these chapters deal with anxiety, self-hate/depreciation, triggers that may not be nice to read. Again. Please read at your own risk.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hello Again lovely people!
> 
> I do have some Trigger Warnings which will be listed at the bottom of this Note. Again. Read at your own risk my loves. Please stay safe. 
> 
> This story is apart of my ongoing series called Puzzle Pieces! If you are knew to this story I just want to say that they both have two children. A girl named Marianne/Marianna/Marisha/Mari-chan and a little boy named Nicholas/Nikolai/Kolya/Niki-chan  
> (They have like 8 different names cuz Russia)
> 
> I wanted to go ahead and let everyone know now that I will be starting school soon, and that these chapters will be coming in at weird times.  
> If you would like to tag along this story please hop on the Honey train!
> 
> Love you all and please read at your own risk
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING!!! TRIGGER WARNING!!! TRIGGER WARNING!!!
> 
> This particular chapter deals with anxiety, self hate, depression, etc
> 
> Read at your own risk and stay safe.
> 
> Peace and love fam <3

\--Anxiety. --  
Genetics they told him.  
Not a lot of things worked.  
Except medication.  
And skating.  
But he didn’t want to be known as the kid who had to take medicine for his “problems”  
People told him it was okay. That he was still him.  
That this was normal.  
To just test it out.  
Because things were getting out of hand.  
So he did. For about 4 years.  
But once he turned 22 he had made the decision to stop.  
Of course his anxiety grew.  
The medicine had done its job. And now it was out of his system.

The first time Yuuri had an anxiety attack in front of Viktor was actually not at the Cup of China. Well yes that was an anxiety attack, but Yuuri considered that as a normal nervous breakdown. Half of the skaters had those all the time. Even Viktor admitted to having them a couple of times in his hotel room due to the pressure he was under.

It wasn’t actually a time. More like times. Gradual times that Viktor had seen grow and dissolve. As he began to learn more and more about Yuuri he would notice the little things. The way Yuuri would curl his fingers in and out trying to pop them or stretch his wrists. The way he forced himself to take his time tying his skates or else they'd snap. The way he’d fidget under people’s stares. His big breaths every now and then. The way he gripped his pencil so tight it sometimes broke. The way he sometimes pulled at his hair when frustrated. The way he sometimes dissolved on the ice pressing himself against the cool touch because it had gotten too numbingly hot. The way he spoke of himself sometimes. 

One time Viktor had gotten the courage to tell Yuuri he had to stop calling himself fat.  
“You’re not. Yeah you were chubby, but you literally bled the weight off in a second. You’re so strong and fit. Stronger than me Yuuri. People would kill to have your body.”

Yuuri had just smiled softly…had give him a fake smile…and said “Sorry for being annoying.”

Viktor sometimes felt like he was holding onto Yuuri by a thin thread. And that thread would be wrapped arounds Viktor’s wrist so tight he swore if he tugged it would bleed.

“Yuuri. What do I do to convince you that you’re beautiful?” he one time said.

They were lying in bed, limbs tangled and chest pressed together.  
Yuuri had just admitted to feeling inadequate and inferior to Viktor.  
“I don’t deserve you” he had whimpered earlier, cuddling into Viktor’s neck.

“Oh Yuuri…if only you knew. I wish you knew. You’re so beautiful Yuuri. You’re so beautiful.”

Yuuri had cried a lot that night.

…………

 

Viktor and Yuuri spoke a lot about it. Yuuri would bring it up randomly. And Viktor would listen. 

“Sometimes I feel the perfect amount of confidence. I look at myself and I see contentment. Like I’m at peace with everything. I’m were I want to be mentally and physically. And other times I see ugly. I see disgusting. Like those grime monsters. And I feel slimy and gross and sick. Not even the hot springs can make me feel better…  
I want to be where I feel good at least most of the time in my life….I want to feel good. And I want to make you stop worrying.”

“Don’t do this for me,” Viktor had replied, “Do it for you”

 

………

 

Yuuri had a doctor.  
Surprisingly he was a man.  
Yuuri was a lot more comfortable around woman, so it was assumed that Yuuri had chosen one to be his doctor.  
But it was a man.  
A sort of old one at that.

Yuuri said they would take walks during their sessions.  
He’s been with that doctor ever since he was 6 when all of it started.  
He was the one that suggested medicine. 

“Would it be a bad idea to get back on them?” 

It was very silent in the room. 

“I’m…just asking Yuuri...”  
The tension grew.

“I’m sorry Yuuri…”

Silent still.

 

………

 

Viktor read a lot. He went to the twitter and tumblr tags, saved facebook articles, read the poems and the stories, googled, etc. Viktor read. A lot.

Any little articles that had the words MENTAL HEALTH, he took note of.

He one time accidentally retweeted a “how to help a friend through an anxiety attack” on twitter, and Pichit messaged him minutes later asking if Yuuri was okay.

Viktor felt like he didn’t have the right to ask for advice. He felt that he was still barely pushing through Yuuri’s door. 

Viktor was at a loss though. 

Pichit had told him to just let him talk through it. (I know what you’re thinking. Yuuri sometimes binges on food when he’s anxious or sad. That’s all you have to worry about. Just make sure he continues to skate).

 

“What if you die?”

Yuuri had asked one night. Viktor was at a loss for words.  
There were many reasons as to why Yuuri stayed off of social media.  
A woman’s husband had been run over while walking his dog and died.  
3 days before Christmas.

“what if you die?”

Viktor had seen this coming. Right when Yuuri had read the post and told him about it.  
Viktor had noticed Yuuri hugging him tighter before he took Makkachin out on a walk.  
Viktor had understood why Yuuri began wanting to walk him together.

It took 5 nights for Yuuri to say it.

“What if you die Viktor?”

“Life is weird Yuuri. Life is weird…but I would hope..Yuuri, I would very much hope that you kept on continuing your life. I would very much hope for that Yuuri.” 

He clung to Yuuri. And Yuuri clung to him.  
He didn’t say it out loud, but sometimes Viktor had his own terrible anxieties.  
“What if Yuuri died too?”  
……….

 

Sometimes there would be bad months.  
Sometimes there would be good months.

They both agreed, there was always more good than bad.  
Yuuri had liked to say that he sometimes felt the worst had already passed.  
"College was tough" he would say with a half hearted smile.  
Yuuri had eventually went back on medication, his choice, after a string of months that gradually got worse and worse and became terrible.  
He did it for himself, yes, but also for his family and friends. 

…………

This is not to say that Viktor was his 24 hour therapist. Because he wasn’t.  
Sometimes Viktor would snap, yelling and asking why.  
Sometimes he wouldn’t speak.  
Sometimes he got mad.  
Sometimes he broke down crying too.  
He was scared too.  
He got hurt too.  
He got sad, and lonely, and bitter, and anxious too.

And Yuuri would listen. And cry a little and be brought back to the planet earth.

“I’m sorry for being selfish Viktor. Thank you for doing this for me. I’m very grateful towards you my love. You’ve made me stronger. You really have.”

 

It took some time, but the two managed to actually become an adult couple. Yuuri was still young when he got with Viktur. Despite him being away from his family home for 5 years, he still didn’t know what “adult living” was like.  
Viktor only knew single “adult life”.  
So, again, it took some time.  
But they managed to get the hang of it. They managed to fall into a good system with each other. They managed to pick up on their quirks and what they liked when they felt down and what killed their mood when they were happy. 

……….

Marisha knew a little more than Kolya when her father was having an anxiety attack. They were like phantoms. You would feel it in the room. Her Tou-chan would smile and pet her hair with tense fingers and keep things a bit more organized than usual.  
If possible, sometimes she would take his big rough hands and massage them.  
She knew he loved it when she did that, because his shoulders would relax.

She always made sure Kolya was distracted when Papachka helped Tou-chan. Just long enough to get Tou-chan in bed before Kolya went in to "read" him a story.

She would always allow Makkachin to curl up beside him on the couch even if it interrupted her play time.  
She would even helped put water in the tea kettle to make green tea for Tou-chan when he was feeling extra shaky and Papachka wasn't home yet.

Marisha was never scared when her Tou-chan got like this.  
Neither was Kolya.  
This was just a part of their Tou-chan.

He sometimes got like this. And sometimes it would last all day, and sometimes it would last 5 seconds. 

Either way. She never minded. And neither did Kolya.  
Because no matter what, he still kissed her on her fore head and tickled her, and made her rice balls, and played dolls with her and still helped her with her jumps in skating and her barre work in ballet and all the other stuff her Tou-chan was supposed to do. 

“So don’t worry Tou-chan” she said nuzzling his chest. “You’re the best Tou-chan ever. And I love you”

Yuuri smiled at her. One of those weird angled smiles that she knew he used whenever he was trying not to cry.

“I love you too Mari-chan”

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are always welcomed ;3


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